The Riskiest Post to Date

I am cripplingly aware that the "best parents" are people who don't have kids yet, which makes me self-conscious/embarrassed/hesitant to post anything parenting- or baby-related that Gabe and I have been talking about. We don't actually know what we're doing, and the likelihood is so high that I'm setting myself to fail or to write things that will discourage me when I look back on them years later.

Since I was twelve, I've kept a Valentine's Day Journal where I chronicle each Valentine's Day, and in 2020, I started saying, "Maybe this is the last Valentine's Day just the two of us!" and every year, I'd look back on that, still childless, and feel bitter and discouraged. If I now put into writing our goals and plans and hopes and parenting theories, then I have a checklist with which to give myself a failing grade in as little as 12–24 months (not to mention people often feel they have the right to critique, and that's exhausting).

However. This blog is called "Becoming Me," and since its inception in 2019, it has been the place where I record the thoughts I'm having and changes I'm making with regard to evolving as a person. Upgrading to "Mom" is probably THE BIGGEST change I'm ever likely to make. It would be insane not to process my thoughts and struggles here.

So, here I go, opening myself up to critique from all of y'all and, even worse, Future Me.

Gabe and I went away last weekend to plan: books to read, birth plan, courses to take, boundaries that are important to us, parenting ideas, etc. Most of that doesn't warrant a lot of unpacking. The books we ordered were Good Inside; Boundaries in Marriage; Hunt, Gather, Parent; and Simplicity Parenting. The birth plan basically boils down "I want to be left alone and given the freedom to listen to my body." The courses we signed up for are "Built to Birth," a Red Cross infant CPR class, and a giant on-demand course called Parent Prerequisite that has videos on everything you could possibly want the first year.

The more interesting, fun, and risky conversations surrounded boundaries that are important to us, and our general stab at parenting philosophy. I think this post will be about the second one.

The Airbnb where we stayed had a fire pit and s'mores supplies, so we sat by the fire, ate, and brainstormed on paper. No goal, limits, or sorting at first, just things that were important to us or phrases that felt foundational. The page became littered with things like "you are loved," "independent play," "psychologically, meltdowns cannot be teachable moments," and "listen to your body." It was fun letting our minds unfurl and seeing where we agreed or brought something brand-new to the conversation.

After brainstorming and talking, we took some time by ourselves to take a break, read, whatever. I ended up sorting the brainstorm session into four categories, which are like a draft of our parenting pillars/philosophy. It is those that I'm going to record here, knowing that we know nothing 🤣

Healthy Religion
- You are loved.
- God is powerful and mysterious.
- God works through people.
- Know thyself.
- "God made you special, and he loves you very much."

Listen to Your Body
- Independent play
- Baby-led weaning
- Food/eating is neutral.
- Allow risks, remove hazards.
- We don't talk about other people's bodies.
- Your body belongs to you (and God).

Mental Freedom
- Your boundaries matter.
- Imagination
- Reading
- Independent play
- There are different types of intelligence.
- Sharing is a choice.
- You can do hard things.

Emotional Intelligence
- Regulation tools
- Meltdowns are not teachable moments.
- You can be mad, but you can't be mean.
- All feelings are welcome; all behaviors are not.
- Everyone is responsible for their own feelings.

I'm literally sweating putting all this out there XD Which, I know, is a choice. Like, I could just not say any of this out loud.

*stares at the wall and nods*

But here we are.

My plan is to write a post about each of the four categories to help myself think through what I mean. There's also the added benefit that, if you're reading this, we want you in our baby's life, and being on the same page can only make that richer and smoother for everyone ☺️

Here's to publicly diving into a sea of ignorance and naïveté. *raises bottle of coconut Bai water*

~Stephanie

Second Trimester Blog: Part 1

A photo so that when I share the link to Facebook, it doesn't default to me in a sports bra 🙃

The Metertot and I are twenty weeks into the pregnancy today. Halfway through.

When 2025 hit and it ticked over into "baby year," I'm not gonna lie: my main emotion was some blend of shock/fear/horror. I didn't realize that I'd been holding a buffer of "it's next year," but apparently I was. I've been making notes and populating timelines for months (years, in some cases), but many of my to-dos were labeled as things to take action on in January.

Well folks, it is January. And the amount of time I've been pregnant? That's approximately the amount of time I have left before we meet Miss Metertot in the flesh. So like, what I was doing at the end of August/beginning of September? You know how recent that feels? That same distance forward is all that's separating me from being a mom, forever.

It's all good. It is ALL good. But it's also just plain HUGE.

Anyway, here's what's been going on baby-wise for the last eight weeks.

Week 14
Symptoms: couple of bad heartburn evenings. Gabe realized he can feel my uterus from the outside, and he gasped and looked at me all starry-eyed :) The next day I felt it too. I don't know why I didn't just reach down and feel it when he did.
Cravings: None

Week 15

Symptoms: I CAN EAT TUNA AGAIN. I'm happy, talkative, socially comfortable. It's like I'm ovulating all the time. Boobs are huge. Also I have to nap at some point between 1–3pm. Have to. It's like I pass out.
Cravings: None




Week 16
Symptoms: feel like my body smells bad all the time
Cravings: virgin Bloody Mary?!



For the record, it tasted like the single best thing I've ever, ever, EVER eaten or drunk in my life. I doubt I'll ever have such a perfect experience as that ever again.

Week 17

Symptoms: little bit constipated maybe. Gabe says I'm glowing :)
Cravings: None



Week 18

Symptoms: continuing to feel like I smell bad all the time.

Notes:
- Struggling to reconcile my wardrobe of cropped sweaters with my paneled maternity jeans.
- Packed away all the clothes that aren't comfortable right now and I'm finally excited to get dressed again!
- Boobs are HUGE. They are an accessory. Gabe was like "HOLy crap" when he saw me in a normal scoop-neck shirt.
- Ate an entire carton of blueberries in one day. Half a day, actually.



Week 19

Symptoms: pregnancy brain (in fact, that's been going on for a little while now), fingernails breaking more than usual?
Cravings: blueberries/yogurt with blueberries, chocolate milk

One day this week, my pregnancy app's daily tidbit was something like, "Your hair and nails are probably growing long and strong these days! However it's also normal for your fingernails to miss the memo and become brittle. If that's the case, make sure you're getting enough calcium."

Well, my nails have gone the slightly brittle route, so it looks like another case of my body being ahead of the game with its cravings :) Bodies are so cool.



Week 20


Symptoms: nothing so far, but I'm only one Day 1!
Cravings: 

Basically the second trimester has been incredible so far. I would be able to forget I'm even pregnant if it weren't for the fact that I feel noticeably BETTER than I did when I wasn't pregnant. As I start to get bigger, I know the discomfort is coming, but right now I'm just having a really great time :)

~ Stephanie