Balance Athletica

How can an athletic wear brand be part of "becoming myself"?

Meh. Maybe it isn't. But this is where I'm documenting all the changes that are going on, and favoring this activewear brand is one of them.

For a while I was almost exclusively a Gymshark girl. I still love some of their leggings, but they shifted in three ways that made me fall out of love with them as a company.

1) Many of my favorite athletes stopped working with them. No big bad reasons for this, but it made me care about the company a little less.

2) Their prices rose while their quality didn't. Totally their prerogative to do this. The demand for their products is big enough that they can raise prices and still have enough customers to succeed. #AllAboutThatFreeMarket

3) They are an impersonal kind of brand. This doesn't bother me, but when a small business came along with their own activewear, I was happy to ditch Gymshark.

That small business is Balance Athletica, and I am a loyal fan for four reasons.
1) The company was recently founded by two Christian sisters. While Taylor and Chloe don't seem like the MOST mature Christians in some ways, they make a point to attribute their success to following God's plan, and do their best to remind people to love and trust him. On a platform that can be judgmental toward Christians (Instagram), they do a fair job of balancing their faith with not alienating people before they can be a light, if that makes sense.

2) The theme of Balance Athletica is--you guessed it--balance. Their message about HEALTH, not "fitness." Powerlifting, but also enjoying a gentle walk. Eating nutrient-dense food, but also having ice cream sometimes. This is the bullet point that most qualifies Balance Athletica as part of my "becoming" journey.

3) Inclusivity is legitimately important to them. They don't just occasionally post a photo of a "bigger girl" or a person of color just to keep people off their backs. They have sponsored athletes/models that range from size extra small to double XL, and their clothes look amazing on all of them. Balance isn't faking this. They're for real.

4) I really like the clothes. Obviously this is a huge plus XD They've released three collections as I write this (the Harmony Collection is coming September 6 at 2pm EDT, and another is launching sometime later in September). One of their collections is THE BEST ACTIVEWEAR I'VE EVER TRIED AND I WOULD BUY IT IN EVERY COLOR AND HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. Unfortunately, because the company is still small, everything in this collection (Kingdom 2.0) is sold out. You can sometimes find it on the Poshmark app though.

At the end of this post I'll go into more detail on the collections if you're interested.

"Cons" of Balance Athletica
1) They're not cheap. My favorite leggings from them are $75.

2) Their sizing is inconsistent. However, they do have size charts on their website that are very accurate and helpful. I wear a small in one collection and a medium in the other two. A little nerve-wracking to buy online.

3) Their stuff sells out in a couple of hours. If you're interested in buying, you'll need to follow them on Instagram to find out their launch times and then be sure to order as soon as things launch.

Details on My Favorite Pieces
The Ascend Pant - My absolute favorite leggings of all time. I wear a size Small. These pants are completely squat proof, the most comfortable leggings I've ever worn, and super flattering. These will be in the Harmony Collection launching on September 6.

The Ascend Top - One of my favorite workout bras ever. I wear a size Small. It's very supportive. It's a cross between a crop top and a sports bra, and I've worn it as a shirt on two occasions.

The OG Pant - My second favorite leggings from Balance. I wear a size Medium. Completely squat proof, very comfortable, and very flattering. Thicker and less stretchy than the Ascend Pant.

The Energy Pant - Insanely comfortable, like your own skin once you get them on, but SO COMPRESSIVE. I wear a size Medium and they feel great once they're on, but you have to put them on like actual dance tights, whatever that means to you.

Still like, but don't LOVE...
The OG Top - Same shape as the Ascend Top, but much tighter. I can wear a size Small, but could probably wear a Medium too.

The Energy Top - Very cute, very soft, shockingly unsupportive. I wear a size Small, but maybe I should've sized down...?

The Flow Bra - So cute, intentionally light support. I would LOVE it if you couldn't see the bra pads through the fabric in the color I have (light topaz). Sigh. I wear a size Small.

If you're looking for a high quality activewear brand and want to support a small business run by Christian sisters, check out Balance :)

~Stephanie

Two Years Late to the Podcast Party

A couple of years ago, podcasts became trendy. People would ask me if I listened to podcasts, and I would tell them that I did not. They would recommend podcasts and I would repeat that I didn't listen to podcasts. I didn't see the hype. I'm pretty picky, and I couldn't be bothered to find podcasts that I liked.

I had, however, developed enough self-awareness to know that eventually, I would absolutely succumb to the hype, it just hadn't hit me yet. When it comes to trends I'm either so on the cutting edge that I can't even find what I'm looking for (in 2016, teal and copper wedding decor was NOWHERE), or I'm years behind and will never catch up (Instagram, Game of Thrones, collagen, cropped tank tops, liking puppies, YouTube, matte lipstick, Snapchat, filters in general...).

(In case you're interested, some of the things I'm currently NOT into but expect to love in probably twelve to eighteen months are chunky white sneakers, neon colors, and meditation.)

Anyway. I've joined the podcast party, and here is what I've been listening to, ranked.

#1: Crime Junkie
Ashley Flowers discusses fascinating crimes (mostly from the United States, but sometimes international) with mysterious circumstances. Where The Conspirators (see #5) is weird stories of all types, Crime Junkie is pretty much exclusively murder and missing persons.

Good because: VERY interesting, well-researched, vary in length, include follow-up episodes if more information comes to light or if a killer is caught (!!)

However: 1) The commercials/shameless plugs are annoying, 2) very occasionally you'll get glimpses of politics that are eye-roll-inducing, 3) these girls are moderately irritating. They have enough Valley Girl ("Oh my gahd, full. body. CHILLZUHH!) in them to provoke a cold, sarcastic stare from me at times--though not enough for me to stop listening.

#2: Made for This
Jennie Allen talks about cultivating healthy, Christ-centered relationships and tackles topics like making friends, having deep conversations, setting boundaries, and breaking free from shame. The only reason this one isn't my #1 is because there aren't enough episodes to binge safely yet XD

Good because: her insights are deep and practical and Christ-centered, and she's already dropped truth bombs on me that are changing the way I think

However: The only "however" I have so far is that the variance in episode length in this podcast feels like a negative, whereas I know I gave it as a positive for Crime Junkie. Some of them are just REALLY short, like, I couldn't finish my shower before it was over XD

#3: The Woody & Wilcox Show
This has actually been the asterisk to my non-podcastism for about four years. I love this show XD It's just for fun, but it is also how Gabe and I get most of our news about the world (which is not something I'm proud of).

Good because: it's funny, they have lots of regular games, the hosts are friends IRL and you can tell, none of the hosts annoy me, they steer completely away from politics

However: it's not going to make you a better person or anything. If you rarely look at the news (like me and Gabe) or social media (like Gabe), it might be informative on occasion, but only by accident.

Fun fact: the only reason I got into other podcasts was because I went though a period of depression when I could not make myself do ANYTHING unless I used The Woody & Wilcox Show as a distraction, but their episodes are only once a day (I know, "only") and I went through them too fast when I needed like six daily hours of podcast to get me through. So I moved on and explored.

#4: The Summit
I've been listening to The Summit church's podcasts lately, and really enjoy them. They're a good way to get focused on the right things, and they provide something healthy and good for me to dwell on while I'm going about my day.

Good because: the pastors are engaging and theologically sound, and I always get something out of each episode

However: very occasionally there will be something you can't "see" in a podcast, like a prop or some students' presentation

#5: The Conspirators
Gabe's dad recommended this to me years ago before I got into podcasts. When I kept running out of WW Show, this is the first other one I tried. The host, "Nate Hale, an entirely fictional identity," takes weird and creepy stories from history and unpacks them.

Good because: it is super interesting, Nate Hale does the research for you, his narrating voice is good, he does a good job of "wrapping up" the story even though they don't usually have definite answers

However: a very few of them make me genuinely uncomfortable because of how graphic and sad they are. I had to skip "Episode 41: The Stain" and "Episode 43: The Boys on the Ice."

#6: The Balance Show
A post about Balance Athletica is coming, but the company's creators just started a podcast and I've just started to listen. It's about a variety of topics that have to do with finding yourself and finding a healthy balance in life. It's too soon for me to evaluate it well,* but here are my thoughts so far.

Good because: the hosts are kind, well-intentioned, and theoretically Christians; they address relatable and important topics

However: I might be too old to benefit from what they're doing? I think a podcast like this would've been really great in middle or maybe high school, but they haven't dropped any major revelations or truth bombs on me yet, and they feel too young to have the kind of insight they seem to believe they have.

If you have podcast recommendations...I'll take them now. But I won't make any promises about listening, because, I mean, I'm still me. Asterisks and stubbornness and pickiness and all of that.

~Stephanie

*I have evaluated The Balance Show more since I wrote this post a month or so ago, and I don't care for it much any more XD

Metal Straws and Reusable Bags

I always resisted being told what to do.

I always scorned "goody-goodies."

I always doubted global warming alarmists.

And because of these three things, I have always despised the Green movement. A bunch of alarmists get together and decide to guilt-trip people into adopting practices that make very little difference in the grand scheme of things so that they can pat themselves on the back. Honestly, a movement could hardly be more alienating to me if it tried.

I still don't love being told what to do, goody-goodies still rub me the wrong way, and I still have a lot of confidence in the Earth's ability to handle shifts in its chemical makeup.

But I've been changing in this department too. Am I one of the people who pats herself on the back now? I don't know. Maybe? It does feel good to feel like you're doing something kind to the environment. Have my views on global warming changed? Sorry to disappoint some of you, but no.

Here's what has been changing though, and why.

Metal Straws
I was ahead of the trend on drinking from straws. I've always felt more comfortable and drunk more water using straws. A few years ago, my dad got me a pack of stainless steel drinking straws (with their own tiny and adorable cleaning brush). There was no reason not to use them, and I'm all about saving money, so I started using those. For years, this is as "green" as I cared to go, and it wasn't as much going green as it was being a cheapskate.

Might As Well, and Dominion Over Animals
A few months ago, my mindset started to shift. I'm absolutely sure that it's social media that got to me. You watch some shared videos about suffering sea life, some Instagram influencers mention buying sustainable brands, and the next thing you know, you're like, "Meh. I mean. Why am I fighting this so hard?"

It reminds me of my rational for going off birth control in the near future: Birth control probably isn't harming me, but not taking it is probably better. Single-use plastic probably isn't destroying the Earth, but avoiding it is probably better.

It also makes me think Genesis 1:28, when God gave Adam dominion over the animals. I don't think caring for animals means we should all be vegans, but I do think it might mean doing what we can to protect animals' homes and health while they're alive.

Reusable Baggies
Sheepishly, I suggested to Gabe that maybe we could invest in some reusable ziplock bags. I had already shifted to packing lunches in Tupperware as much as possible, but sometimes you just need a baggie. Though he certainly side-eyed me, he agreed.

So far I like them a lot (linked above, if you're interested!), and we both like saving a little bit of money.

Reusable Grocery Bags
I think my next shift happened sometime in May or June. Mom, Sarah, and I were doing some wedding shopping at The Christmas Tree shop, and at the checkout there were these massive, insulated reusable bags. One them was a beautiful teal and green sea turtle design.

Mom saw me eying it because it was pretty. It was $1. She bought one for me and one for Sarah. A few days later it was grocery day and I'd actually remembered to take the bag with me.

I'm not gonna lie, it just felt good to use that pretty bag. I know I didn't save any actual sea turtles, and it's probably ridiculous and silly and self-righteous to feel happy about it, but I left the store feeling really good. It honestly made my whole day better to use a reusable bag.

Since then I've acquired two more bags, and they both bring me a lot of joy to use. One came from the Charleston Tea Plantation, which we visited on our anniversary trip. The other came from Food Lion and it says "Lettuce Give You A Hand" with a picture of some lettuce. *slaps knee*

Self Checkout
The last environmentally conscious thing I've done lately is use the self-checkout. First of all, I get to control how my items are grouped, which is just nice if you're a control freak like me. But I also get to control how many plastic bags are used. Ever since the media started getting to me, it used to niggle me how cashiers would sometimes put one item in a bag and then rotate the bag wheel. (I'm sure they're trained to do that though, and I'm sure that lots of Karens get bent out of shape if they don't.) With self-checkout, I not only feel like it's more efficient and satisfying, but I can also pack bags a little fuller and pass on the double-bagging.

The Small Scale Fallacy
I've been seeing a lot lately about how the United States is responsible for a relatively small amount of plastic pollution, that China is the real culprit.

Yeah, I bet that that's true. But doing a wrong thing on a small scale doesn't make it less wrong. It just makes it smaller.

What did you parents tell you when Susie would do things you weren't allowed to do? "I don't care what Susie's allowed to do. I'm not Susie's mom/dad, I'm yours." I don't care what China does. We're not China, we're the United States.

What did your parents tell you when you apologized, but Johnny wouldn't accept? "Well, you can't control what Johnny does; you can only control yourself." We can't control what China does; we can only control ourselves.

Bottom Lines
Is it making a difference? I don't know, but I think it's the right thing to do.

Am I doing all this because it makes me feel good? I'm not sure. If I am, is that wrong?

Am I going to start pushing these choices on other people? Heck. No.

As always, do with this what you want, but it's a change I've been feeling lately and I like the way it feels :)

~Stephanie

Minimalism Part 3: Gifts, Purchases, and Lusting After Jeans

Minimalism Part 1: How It All Started

Minimalism Part 2: Thinking It Through

The biggest way minimalism has affected me is the way I now feel about gifts and purchases.

I noticed it around Christmas, and now again with my birthday coming up. What do I want? Honestly, the idea of bringing more physical stuff into my life stresses me out, unless it's something really specific that I've thoughtfully decided I want. (And that really takes away from the element of surprise for people who love gift-giving.) We just do not have the space. If I don't already know where something's going to fit, the desire for it quickly turns to distaste. Instead, I'm interested in experiences, gift cards to restaurants/grocery stores/Bowmar Nutrition, or just plain money.

I noticed the anathema to new "stuff" most acutely on our anniversary trip in July. We had "fun money" all ready to go; we were going to do some (modest) fun shopping. We had a great time browsing stores of all types, but...the desire to buy was oddly dormant in me. In fact, I felt almost turned off by the expectation to buy. My closet is FULL. I don't NEED anything, I really don't.

I did end up buying one thing, because it was on sale and I realized that if I bought it, I could get rid of something else. It was a replacement, an upgrade rather than an addition.

That decision trigged a more complete shift in me, and I've decided that for a while, I'm mostly going to buy things when it means I can toss something I already have. I will slowly build up a collection of higher quality, classic items, and slowly own less and less cheap, random stuff. Instead of buying a few pairs of cheap, nearly-alike jeans that I'll have to replace every couple of years, I'm going to wait and save up and invest in a pair of "expensive," classic jeans that will 1) actually be comfortable, 2) last me for years, and 3) not go out of style next season.

Does this mean I will never own trendy clothes? No XD Like I've said, I'm not a true minimalist. But I do like the heightened awareness and more thoughtful acquisition process. It feels healthier, more value-dense, and more mature.

TANGENT: If you know me even a little bit well, you probably know that I hate wearing pants. I find them torturously uncomfortable and 95% of the time will choose to wear dresses or skirts. On our anniversary trip, I decided to see for myself if there was any truth to the Omg-Jeans-Can-Actually-Be-Comfortable-If-You-Buy-High-Quality/Expensive-Ones hype. For science, I tried on some jeans in the $120 range.

Well, folks, the hype is true. For better or for worse, I've now set my sights on buying some quality denim jeans soon.

And, of course, getting rid of one or two pairs to make room ;)

~Stephanie

Wife After God

At the recommendation of a good friend, I bought a devotional called Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband.

Cheesy title? Yes.

Cheesy book? Yes and no. Mostly no (and that's honest and coming from a chronically--hey, I just noticed the Greek etymology of kronos, meaning "time"--sarcastic individual)

I'm only halfway through,* but I feel like I'm getting a lot out of it.

First of all, I really like the way the chapters are set up. Each one contains Bible verses or short passages to read, a one- to two-page devotional, a suggested prayer, a challenge, and three insightful questions to ask yourself. The whole thing takes maybe fifteen minutes to complete.

However, right off the bat, the Enemy tried to take me out in two ways: 1) he accentuated the cheese factor, and 2) he highlighted every grammar mistake and typo the author made.

(Okay, the second one might've been mostly me. I'm assuaging it by allowing myself to mark up the book in pen. I may respectfully submit my suggested edits to the author when I'm done so that the errors don't get in the way of the content for other jerks like me.)

The Enemy almost won. But God checked me with a lesson I've been handed a thousand times: things are what you make them.

Is there cheese in a scripted prayer? Sure. Is there an element of trite-ness in some of the classic anecdotes? Yeah. Is there cringiness in a chapter on submission? You'd think so, but actually I thought the author handled that chapter particularly well.

But what if I decided to be bigger than that all that? What if I decided to get everything I could out of each chapter, to work with it instead of against it? I'm not "cool" because I'm incapable of learning from something that isn't my style. I'd actually be pretty shallow and unsophisticated.

(Honestly that rant was kind of a tangent, because the book ISN'T EVEN CHEESY, I just wanted to point out a way that the Enemy fought hard to deter me.)

I've been doing a Wife After God devotion almost every morning as I eat my breakfast and drink my tea. I read the prayer through once to get familiar with it, then I read it aloud and try to mean the words as I say them. If I get to a question that has an easy, "Sunday school answer," I will intentionally STOP and think harder, because clearly there's something present that Satan wants me to miss.

I don't know if I'm a better wife now than I was fifteen days ago, but I do feel more aware of my marriage and my interactions with Gabe. When I feel a sharp tone about to come out, I think I'm aware of it a split second earlier than I was, and sometimes I can temper it before it comes tearing out of my mouth. I'm trying to pass everything I say, think, and do through the filters of Respect Your Husband, How Can I Show Love in This Moment, and Is Maybe This Something I Can Just Let Go (#AdventuresInNotBeingPettyAF).

Please don't mistake my efforts for claiming success. I am not naturally a kind or patient person, and I'm not going to become one over night. But even just creating those three filters has awakened a new awareness in me. It can't be hurting.

Favorite Chapters So Far
"Day 4: Your Spouse is a Gift" - Such a lovely, fun, inspiring perspective! The challenge was to think of your husband as a gift and hug him the next time you saw him. I actually did "Day 4" while at my parents' house, sans Gabe, a few days before Sarah's wedding. When I finally saw him at the wedding rehearsal, I remembered the Challenge and felt such joy. He really is a gift to me :)

"Day 13: Coated in Pride" - I need all the lessons on pride that I can possibly get, and I know it and want to work on it. I did "Day 13" while we were on our anniversary trip, and tried to make an effort to let us do things Gabe's ways that day (and since, of course ;)). My ways are not the only ways. I do not always know best. And anyone who knows Gabe knows that he's incredibly considerate and humble. I don't need to fight to have my perspectives and preferences considered. It's my pride that tells me I do.

"Day 16: Submissiveness" - This chapter is handled so beautifully. It highlights the hierarchy that God has ordained, but reminds us that we submit--men and women alike--because Jesus submitted to God the Father. Submission is not weakness. It's peace, freedom, and strength.

I'm thinking that maybe I'll go through this devotional once a year and see what different insights and approaches I stumble upon as our marriage grows and changes.

Definitely would recommend to Christian wives.

~Stephanie

* I write these in advance, so I am actually done with the book now.

Inside My Mind: OCD

You know how some people need things to be centered or aligned at right angles? How some people need the volume on the radio turned to an even number or can't stand it when there are crumbs on their counters?

I think that's not OCD. And that's not what goes on in my head.

I have not been clinically diagnosed, nor does OCD (usually) interfere with my everyday life (much), so this post is just a general exposition on what goes on in my head for anyone who's interested. It may or may not have OCD, but I often wonder if I do.*

My "OCD" has a lot to do with counting. If I hear a noise that has a definite number of sounds to it, I must count to that number in my head. If a car horn outside goes "beep beep," my head voice needs to say "one two" in the same pitch and speed. If someone knocks at the door, I count "one-two-three-four-five" (or however many) after the person's fist has ceased pounding. If I pause from eating to drink, I take six sips. I can tell you that the staircase in my parents' house has eight-then-ten stairs, and that there are fourteen stairs to get up to our apartment, which really bothers me, because I prefer things in eight-counts because of my dance history. Why does fourteen bother me more than eighteen? I don't know. Maybe undershooting feels worse than overshooting.

That's another thing I believe about OCD: you don't get to choose what makes sense, what bothers you and what doesn't.

While I prefer to count things in eights, five is the most governing number. Five feels balanced to me: two on each side, one in the middle. (Why not three? I don't know.) Because of this, I need my radio to be on volumes that are multiples of five or at least not just one away from a multiple of five. One away from a multiple of five feels very precarious to me, and it triggers a stressed response. Volume on 16 is a no-go. Volume on 17 is fine.

My "OCD" has a lot to do with following silly processes out of sudden, irrational fear.

"If you don't step on each sidewalk crack, Gabe will get in a car accident."
"You have to settle your knee into the couch cushion like this or you'll get food poisoning."
"You need the door to make a clicking noise when you shut it or your mom will die."

Do I believe any of those thing? Of course not. Do I intentionally make them up or call them to mind? No. I have no idea where they come from. Do I follow them? Sometimes, if they don't take me too out of my way. And I do worry that if Gabe were to get in an accident, or I were to get food poisoning, or my mom were to die, I would never recover from the fact that I didn't do The Thing I Needed To Do. Even though I know that's insane.

My "OCD" has a lot to do with needing things to feel "right." What does "right" mean? You don't know, you just know that you'll feel it when something is. When I'm drinking tea, sometimes I get caught in a loop of touching the edge of the cup between my two front teeth. I have to do it until I get a touch that feels "right." Sometimes when I blink, it doesn't feel right, and I have to keep blinking until my eyelids hit one that feels "right." Usually I try very hard to resist the start of this process, lest I get stuck in repetition.

My "OCD" has a lot to do with needing trivial things to happen, really badly. If I feel that my knee needs to crack, then I really need it to crack. Not because it's hurting, but because I feel it and it needs to happen. Each time I try and fail to hear and feel that crack, my breath comes a little quicker, my heart pounds a little harder, and I feel my skin start to prickle with stress. It needs to pop. It needs to pop. I have to get it to pop.

Similar to the above, my "OCD" has a lot to do with repetitive motions or ticks that suddenly descend on you for no reason, and you get stressed if you don't do them. When I was in middle school, I discovered that if I pushed on one of my bottom teeth with my tongue, the tooth seemed to shift a little bit. I felt it, and almost heard a tiny little click. I became obsessed with doing that, feeling that, hearing that. It worried me. Was I actually loosening my tooth? But I couldn't stop. To this day I have to fight the urge sometimes, because if I start, I might not be able to stop.

My "OCD" has a lot to do with fearing things like that, with fearing that a motion or a tick or a thought is going to become obsessive and compulsive. Once, I noticed that I usually skip the last stair when going downstairs at my parents' house. I said, to someone or maybe even just to myself, "That's fast becoming a habit." Now, 90% of the times I pass that stair, I hear the phrase "fast becoming a habit" in my head. It is very annoying. I have a few things like that.

For me, my "OCD" gets worse when I'm stressed or already bothered by something. If I have too much on my mind or feel overwhelmed, the tiny OCD things that I can usually power through become very loud and very strong and my stress response to ignoring them compounds. The skin prickling, the heart pounding, the breath shortening, the desperate need to move my body all threaten to overwhelm me.

Usually my OCD tendencies are just background quirks. Yeah, I count noises in my head and take six sips of drink, but that has zero effect on my quality of life. I bet you never even noticed. Usually, I'm fine. Even at my worst, I'm usually okay, just irrationally stressed.

But still. As much as I hate political correctness, it rubs me the wrong way when people joke or insist that they have OCD. I don't know if I do, but if it's anything like what I deal with, it's not that funny and you probably don't have it. 

~Stephanie

* It's 2023 and I can confirm that I do XD

Minimalism Part 2: Thinking It Through

Minimalism Part 1: How It All Started

Do I believe that minimalism is the "right" way to live?

I typed that semi-rhetorical question intending to follow it with "No, of course not." But then when I processed it, I became less sure.

Is it, maybe, and I'm just too afraid to part with my stuff?

In the ancient church, Christians didn't have a lot of stuff, and what they had was largely community-owned. (*quietly slides political soapbox out from under the bed and climbs upon it* Note that that was a personal decision that occurred within the church, not something forced upon people by the government. *puts away soapbox*)

The Bible tells us to store up treasures in heaven, and that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Materialism is a big problem in our culture. We use possessions to show status, make life easier (sometimes too easy?), and make us feel special. Christmas, Valentine's Day, and weddings have all been cluttered up by "stuff."

Minimalism is about putting "stuff" in its place: if a thing brings value to your life, keep it. If it doesn't, ditch it. If we're honest about what brings value, this test weeds out quite a few of our possessions.

Having less physical clutter tends to promote less mental and emotional clutter, too. Do you ever just feel stressed when your space is messy? I know I do. There's something so peaceful about a freshly-cleaned room. If you live a minimalist life, you experience that sense of peace constantly (or at least more often) because you don't have enough stuff to create a messy space.

I definitely love the idea of minimalism. But I'm NOT a dog person even though I exclaim when I pass a cute pupper, and I'm NOT a minimalist even though I love the idea of living in a clean, spare space.

Aspects of Minimalism I Like
The Purpose - As we figured out above, I genuinely see the point and value of minimalism. "Stuff" should not be master over us. The minute you start to feel controlled or oppressed by your own possessions, you need to make a change.

The Peace - I do feel a sense of peace when I'm surrounded by less. I feel clean, unhindered, like my body and soul have the space to unfurl.

The Process - I think it's healthy and helpful to assess your life with the eye of a minimalist. What things--both physical and non-physical--add value to your life? What things just take up space, actively get in your way, or bother you? Why do you still have (blank)? Why do you still do (blank)? Why are you still friends with (blank)?

The Look* - I actually really like minimalism as a style. In high school, when Pinterest was big and minimalism barely a thing, I would collect images of rooms of gray, white, and black; furnished with simple, clean-cut pieces; and decorated with single items placed on shelves and tables.

Aspects of Minimalism I Struggle With
The Someday Items - I am the person who can create an outfit for any occasion at any moment. Do I need a Great Gatsby-themed outfit? I can make it. Do I need a Lois Lane outfit? I can make it. Do I need a Winter outfit to go as one of the four seasons? I can make it. Why can I do this? Because I have pieces in my closet that are completely random and useless 90% of the time. But the 10% brings me a lot of joy. Minimalism would tell me to get rid of those completely random and usually useless items.

Clothes in General - This is probably because I'm still traumatized from my Pre-Wedding Purge, where I got rid of things I didn't want to move into our apartment or didn't think a "wife" would wear. (I know. Literally no idea why I thought getting married would instantly age me ten years and radically alter my personality. I'm still completely baffled and miffed at Past Me.) During this purge, I donated a lot of items that I've since really missed, which makes me hesitate to get rid of things.

Family Heirlooms - Do I need multiple complete china sets, multiple complete silver sets, a WWI helmet, and a bunch of heavy, dark, old furniture? You bet your bonnet I do not. But one day, I will have them, and they have been in my family for generations. Family is very important to me. Now, I know a minimalist--and even lots of non-minimalists--will tell me that family is not "stuff" and that I can love and respect my family without taking on a burden of possessions. My own family would tell me this. But I struggle with it, a lot.

Books, Duh - Minimalists can be all about reading books and bettering oneself, but they are not about owning books, especially not physical ones. Gabe and I are very much about owning books. One day we hope to have a library, and we've already got a pretty good start.

Do I believe that minimalism is the "right" way to live?

I don't know. But I'm leaning towards "yeah, maybe," and my lifestyle is starting to show it.

In Minimalism Part 3 (the irony of having a million posts on minimalism...), I'll be thinking about how minimalism has changed the way I view gifts and purchases.

~Stephanie

*Does it bother me that I couldn't come up with another P word for parallelism's sake? No, no it doesn't.**

**Yes, yes it does.

Jesus' Name

"The Enemy, he has to leave at the sound of of your great Name."

Do y'all take that seriously?

I don't know that I ever did until recently. I don't remember what was happening, but I felt the Enemy in my head so strongly. He was right there, in my thoughts, changing my thoughts, turning me toxic, tearing me down, invading my synapses, wreaking misery in me. I felt so trapped and helpless and frustrated. I wasn't strong enough for it. I didn't feel a way out. I would just have to wait out the storm, wait to feel like myself again.

Then "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant popped into my head.

No, my thoughts/Satan insisted. That's not really how it works. You don't even want Jesus. Just feel the anger. It's fine. Let yourself be angry. It happens sometimes. You're only human.

You know how you're in a moment of sadness or anger or sin, and for a fleeting second, you remember that Jesus can help you, but then you just throw it in his face and walk away because you don't even want Jesus you're so mad? That's where I was.

But out of nowhere, this tiny tendril of strength, like a plant growing up through a crack in a rock, appeared.

The Enemy, he has to flee at the sound of your great Name.

"Jesus." Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

The little tendril of strength was so small and so frail and so pixelated that it couldn't do much more. I was afraid that if I hesitated to think of something else to say, the tendril would vanish. No great prayers emerged, no profound thoughts. I had no smart retorts to fling at the Enemy. I just had Jesus' name.

But y'all.

It worked.

*mic drop*

*picks mic back up because I'm not actually done*

The more I said Jesus in my head, the bigger the tendril of strength got. And quickly, I felt Satan let go, lip curled in disgust and defeat. His mantle of evil fell off and I was free to think thoughts that belonged to me and God. I was free. Jesus broke the chains of the Enemy. With just his name.

I'm not kidding. This moment was life-changing.

Obviously I'm still a wreck and screw up all the time. But Satan can't be where God is. That's just the truth. And the more I try to cultivate a space of God in my mind and home, the bigger the tendril of strength is when it appears. Some days I do hesitate and I don't grab onto Jesus' name quickly and it's really, really hard or impossible to throw off the Enemy. But the closer God already is, the more real estate he takes up in my mind and home, the bigger the tendril, the quicker my reaction, the firmer my grasp.

If you can grab that tendril of Holy Spirit strength fast enough next time, just start saying Jesus' name in your head (or out loud). Seriously. If it feels like it's not working, say it louder, faster, stronger, more. Do not let the Enemy lie to you and say it won't work or isn't working. He has to leave at the sound of God's great name. And he does not want you to know that.

~Stephanie

Minimalism Part 1: How It All Started

It started one year ago, almost to the day.

Everyone gets the End-of-Vacation Blues, but coming back from our second anniversary trip was especially hard: we were abandoning a clean, bright, spacious hotel room for our cluttered, dark, cramped apartment. We were going from a bedroom where we could get out of bed on either side to a bedroom where one of us had to crawl across the mattress and get out on the other side. We were leaving a place that held what we needed and returning to a place that held more than we even wanted.

We got home around 11pm and sat on the couch, discouraged, grumpy, and unhappy to be home.

"What can we do?" I said, looking Gabe dead in the eye. "I can't live like this. This is miserable."

We brainstormed for a few minutes, about how to rearrange the furniture so that we could at least get out of the freaking bed on either side. It was a long, involved game of mental Tetris, but we had a plan with potential.

"How long do you think this would take?" I asked.

"A couple of hours probably," Gabe admitted.

"Let's do it."

Gabe stared at me, head turned in a wary way. I famously hate being up late. I famously hate (HATE) moving furniture. "Really?"

"Yes. But let's start now before I change my mind."

In the bedroom, we unearthed the IKEA desk from under its pile of textbooks, books, papers, homework, belts, stamps, figurines, stationery, loose change, notebooks, and pens. We moved the piles into the living room. We moved the desk itself into the living room.

In the bedroom, we unearthed the dresser from under its piles of mail, socks, jewelry, jewelry boxes, watches, bowls of trinkets, loose change, puzzles, and dead batteries. We moved the dresser to the opposite wall.

With great effort, we dislodged our mattress from the bed frame and moved it off the bed. We moved the bed to another wall and remade it. I nearly cried at how beautiful it was to see all the space on either side.

In the living room, we moved a small bookshelf, situated the IKEA desk in the corner, and moved an end table into the bedroom.

We were left staring at several piles of junk in each room, but the furniture looked good. The bones of the rooms looked good. It felt good.

We gave ourselves a two-day deadline to take care of the piles of junk. To my utter SHOCK, we actually made that deadline.

As I lay in bed each night, I could breathe easier. Our apartment was still cluttered, dark, and cramped, but I could see better that it didn't have to be. We'd gotten rid of most of the junk that had comprised the displaced piles, and it had felt really good. We didn't need most of it. We didn't even want most of it. We could breathe easier without it cluttering up our vision and, consequently, our minds.

I wanted more of that feeling.

The next week I went through the jewelry that had been on my side of the dresser and in my hanging jewelry organizer. I only ever wore about half of it, if that. I easily gave away or donated the pieces that I didn't need, and I've actually had no ragrets--which, I will say, is NOT always the case with me. #PurgeWisely #RIPFavoriteWhiteCropTopFromMyPre-MarriagePurge

Since then, I've been using fewer seasonal decorations, I've been purging my belongings in stages, and I've become less receptive to gifts and purchases.

Am I a minimalist now? No. Not at all. Not even close. All you have to do is listen to a real minimalist podcast or watch a real minimalist YouTuber (shameless plug for my friend Ashley's channel) to know that I'm far from it.

Would I like to be a minimalist? Honestly, I'm not sure. That's kind of what this blog is all about: figuring out what's actually Me.

In Minimalism Part 2, I'll be thinking through minimalism's pros and cons, what I agree with and what I disagree with, and the areas in which I find myself particularly struggling with the concept.

~Stephanie