I've known about centering prayer for a year or so. I was planning to start doing in December, but I didn't feel like I understood it well enough. Then quarantine hit, and I was like, "Wow, what a perfect time to start a new, slightly time-consuming habit!" but then I just didn't. Then, over Father's Day, my dad pointed me to some different resources that made centering prayer seem more approachable, and I actually started doing it.
"Okay, so what is it?"
Centering prayer is a type of prayer that is completely and only about dwelling in God's presence. For twenty minutes you sit in silence, stillness, and solitude and focus on a word or phrase that reminds you of God (e.g., Immanuel, Jesus, Savior, Love, Truth, etc.). Whenever you feel your mind wander, gently direct yourself back to your word or phrase for the session. Eventually you should be able to experience "deep time" with God.
"I feel like this probably has an Enneagram connection. *sigh*"
You'd be right, kind of. I don't think centering prayer itself has anything to do with the Enneagram, but the resources I've used to understand it were Enneagram-related, and understanding the Enneagram may help you recognize where and why you struggle with centering prayer.
The three elements of centering prayer—silence, stillness, and solitude—are related to the Enneagram centers.
For body-centered people—Enneagram Eights, Nines, and Ones—the stillness is going to be the hardest part to achieve and will probably poke their most accessible emotion: anger/frustration.
For heart-centered people—Enneagram Twos, Threes, and Fours—the solitude is going to be the hardest part to achieve and will probably poke their most accessible emotion: shame/guilt.
For head-centered people—Enneagram Fives, Sixes, and Sevens—the silence is going to be the hardest part to achieve and will probably poke their most accessible emotion: fear/anxiety.
"Okay, how do you actually DO centering prayer?"
1) Get into a position with a straight back and hands open in your lap that you can maintain for twenty minutes.
2) Check in with all three of your centers, and formally set aside the distractions they pose:
How is your body doing? Take note of sensations. Acknowledge them. Decide to set body sensations aside for these twenty minutes.
How is your heart doing? Take note of your emotions. Acknowledge them. Decide to set emotions aside for these twenty minutes.
How is your mind doing? Take note of thoughts racing around. What are you thinking about? What's distracting you? Decide to set those thoughts aside for these twenty minutes.
3) Close your eyes and invite God into your space.
4) Spend twenty minutes dwelling with him, focusing on your one word or phrase. Whenever your body, heart, or mind presents a distraction, don't "resist" it, just set it aside and turn your focus back to your word or phrase.
"How's this going for you?"
Um...
Not well.
Like, I'm doing it*. But I've run into some roadblocks.
First of all, I can't find my feelings. I go through the other two steps just fine: "How is my body doing? My neck feels kind of tight. I'm hungry. Got a little bit of a headache behind my eyes. My shin is itching. Lips are chapped. Okay. I'm going to set these things aside for now. They'll be here when I get back.
"How is my mind doing? Lots of thoughts. Wow. Lots to do today. Can't forget to add tortillas to the grocery list. Need to check in with work earlier today. Need to find somewhere to get that dress dry cleaned. Okay. All of this will still be here in twenty minutes. Gonna set it all aside.
"How is my...heart? doing? What am I feeling?"
*crickets*
"Come on! Emotions! Hello?! Okay, stressed? Is stressed an emotion? Or is that a thought? ...distracted? Also a thought? Okay, they're not here. I don't know where the emotions are. Whatever. Putting them aside...?"
The first time I did centering prayer—and every time since, really—this is what happened. I know where my physical sensations are: they're in my body. I know where my thoughts are: they're in my mind. I know where my feelings are supposed to be—in my heart—but it's like...I don't know where that is. Literally in my heart? Like, in my chest?
For the first solid week and a half of doing centering prayer, I got nothing. I couldn't even find/see the door to my heart. Right this second as I think about it and try to locate my "heart," it feels...rude of me? Like, "excuse me, that is not for your eyes." I'm not very comfortable with the idea of my heart/feelings (which makes sense since Eights are heart-center-repressed**). It's not a door that feels safe or wise to knock on.
This has been a real sticking point for me. Eventually, I just decide that "stressed" or "overwhelmed" is close enough to an emotion and move on to the rest of the centering prayer checklist*.
Then I run into different roadblocks that will be covered in future posts XD
I talked to Gabe about this. He's heart-centered. It made him chuckle to think about not knowing how to find his emotions. He is made of emotions. He says he doesn't even think in words or thoughts, but in colors and feelings. He is body repressed, and thus rarely immediately aware of what he's physically feeling.
His advice to me was twofold: 1) practice, and 2) try to trace my thoughts back to their emotional roots. If I'm feeling "stressed," why? Where is that coming from emotionally?
This is going to take a lot of practice. I think the fact that I can now "find/see" the door to my heart is a sign of progress. Now I just need to open it and acknowledge what comes out before deciding to set it aside for twenty minutes.
Yeah, but what happens after the twenty minutes?
~Stephanie
* The ideas of "doing" centering prayer or treating it like a checklist problematic in itself though. That's another post.
** I think I need to clarify this though. People who know me probably think 1) I seem like a pretty emotional person (easily excited, happy, frustrated, passionate, etc.), and 2) I seem pretty aware of myself/my emotions. Isn't that what this blog is about? Fair enough, and I used to think the same thing. Clarification coming in a future post then.
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