Apparently We CAN Get Pregante*

My period wasn't even late.

I was supposed to start on Monday or Tuesday, but by Sunday night I'd had zero PMS symptoms, which was unusual. I have endometriosis, and I'm usually in pain for at least couple of days before starting. This month, nothing.

That night, I had really vivid dreams. I woke up at 6:00am before my alarm, went to the bathroom in a smooth burst of spontaneous momentum, and took a pregnancy test. I didn't plan to do it. I didn't tell Gabe I was doing it. I don't even remember deciding to.

But this journey starts AT LEAST five days earlier on Wednesday when I had a chiropractor appointment. I usually go on Mondays, but I'd had to reschedule this time, and it was time for my three-month evaluation appointment. A lady named Stacey and I went into a little room together to discuss my progress and anything else I wanted to talk about.

Everyone at the chiropractor knew we'd been trying to get pregnant, so it's something that comes up in evaluations. This time, Stacey—whom I'd never had an evaluation with before—focused on our trying to conceive with more heart and compassion than I was anticipating. Everyone at Twin City Health** is phenomenal and compassionate and attentive, but there was something Different in the room with me and Stacey that day.

As the evaluation drew to a close, Stacey asked if she could pray for me, about getting pregnant specifically.

In all honesty, guys, I was just tired at this point. Gabe and I had both quietly given up hope without telling each other, and I didn't know what God was doing, but "getting me pregnant" wasn't it.

But, like the good, God-fearing ENFJ in the chiropractic office that plays Christian music 24/7, I said, "Sure, I'd love that."

"Do you mind—and this is totally up to you—if I lay hands on you?" Stacey asked.

"I—sure," I said—again, just tired but trying to keep up the act for her benefit. She was being really kind to me and I really did appreciate it.

Stacey prayed for me and laid hands on my stomach, and I tried to keep my mind in the prayer and believe. I've known people who have been healed. I've been around miracles. I already believed they could happen, but they also don't happen for a lot of people, so *shrug*. It occurred to me during the prayer that no one had actually laid hands on me about this before.

I texted Gabe after I left: "During my quarterly chiropractor paperwork check-in a lady prayed for us to get pregnant and laid her hands on my belly :) No one has ever done that for me. We'll see."

And that following Monday, I did see.

My heart actually wasn't pounding when my phone timer went off and I looked at the stick, because I was barely in the moment. Like I said, I hadn't really even meant to take the test, it was just that my dreams that night had felt Different.

There was no doubt about the second line in the little results window.

I went to get Gabe from the kitchen, because he would be leaving for work any minute and I didn't want to have to sit on this all day.

"I need you to come look at something," I told him.

I have no idea what my face or body language was communicating, but he cocked his head, suspicious and maybe distantly suspecting, and followed me back to the bathroom.

I think I just pointed.

"It's early," I think I said. "Obviously. But. I mean. It's there."

"It's there," Gabe breathed, keeping himself tightly in check for me. He knows I don't like to be disappointed, which too often means refusing to get excited in the first place. "It's there. Okay. Okay."

"Okay."

And that is where I sat with it for WEEKS. I made myself go two weeks before calling the doctor, and when we went in for the confirmation ultrasound, I was so convinced the tech was going to murmur, "Oh, I'm sorry" that I mentally missed the first half of the appointment. I clued in with a wand inside of me, my hand inside Gabe's, and the tech saying, "Mmm, see that flutter? That's the heartbeat."

"You mean it's okay?" I said, feeling like I must've glitched into an alternate universe.

"Riiiiiight on schedule for growth," she said.

"Oh." I looked at Gabe, who was radiating quiet joy so big I could practically see an aura.

This is a God thing, 100%. No could could figure out why we weren't getting pregnant, and no one but God knows why we are now.

Except, I feel like I do?

There are a million tiny and not-so-tiny things that God has aligned lately, and I know he's been listening to the prayers of dozens of people lifting us up.

This all feels like a giant exercise in trusting God, which is probably why this post sounds more wary and fearful than joyful and excited. I am joyful and I am excited...but trusting and letting go of control are the two most difficult things in the world for me. They're horrifically uncomfortable physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

The baby isn't even born yet and God's already using it to teach me XD Gabe and I are about to be refined like never before—for the rest of our lives, I hear.

Please continue praying for the health of the baby, for wisdom for me and Gabe, and for me to believe that God wants good things for us.

~ Stephanie

* A reference to this video that makes me and Gabe laugh til we cry.

** I cannot recommend them highly enough. They have done more for me and my health (including interpreting bloodwork, suggesting that I might have endometriosis, explaining diagnoses I've received from doctors, etc.) than any doctor has ever even come CLOSE to doing. Everything that's broken about the medical system is whole at Twin City Health.