It probably isn't surprising that I've thought about pregnancy a lot.
I've always used Instagram 98% for fitness and educational content, and in the last five years, many of the "influencers" I've followed have gotten pregnant or begun their fertility journeys. Because of that, I've been swimming in an ocean of pregnancy-related posts for years, and had heard about everything from hemorrhoids to perineal massages to salmon roe, and had expectations about how all of those things were going to relate to me if the time ever came.
Well, a lot of reality hasn't been what I expected, and there have been some total surprises that NEVER crossed my mind. I've divided my "pregnancy surprises" into those two categories :)
Things That I Thought About, but Have Gone Differently Than I Expected
Nutrition
I thought it was going to be easy for me to eat clean and healthy for the baby. It has not been. Honestly, that about sums up this category XD I haven't been on top of my fruits and veggies, I hate the taste of my high quality prenatal gummy and sometimes resort to the next-to-nutritionally-bankrupt-but-tasty ones, and have neglected my iron supplement to the point that my bloodwork came back "anemic" a couple of weeks ago. (Don't worry, I'm on it now.) I have at least one dessert a day, and ate an entire bag of Ritz Chips in 2.5 sittings last week.
Body Image
On a more positive note, I thought I was going to struggle to accept my changing body, but I'm actually obsessed with it. It's always been important to me to stay fit, but too often that's translated to "maintain a certain size." When you're pregnant, you're SUPPOSED to get bigger. I don't worry about being bloated after a meal. My growing belly is a reminder that God is a promise keeper and Gabe and I are going to get to meet a little hybrid in a couple of months. I want all the bump-forward clothes. I want all the pictures.
(Now, how this will translate to my postpartum body is BIG question. I expect to struggle a lot with that, but pregnancy has shown me that I can't always accurately predict how I'll react to things, so maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.)
Reaction to Baby Kicks
Seeing videos of babies kicking in a mom's stomach has always kind of freaked me out. It looks like you swallowed an alien? Do you not feel creepy having a PERSON INSIDE OF YOUR PERSON? There's a THING in there? Someone's actual little foot is trying to tear through the wall of your stomach and touch air?!
Now that I'm the mom, my feelings have surprised me. I think the kicks are SUPER fun and I love to try to get Gabe to feel them and they definitely don't freak me out, but the dominant feeling is...almost neutrality? Acceptance? Rightness? The thing inside me doesn't feel foreign at all, but it also doesn't feel like something sappy or magical. I don't know how to explain how something can feel so fun and cool, yet so...normal at the same time.
Now I will say, the Metertot's foot or knee or something was all up in my right ribs the other day and I gently pushed on it, and guys it M O V E D. I felt the actual shape of the thing inside me and that DID freak me out a little bit XD
Libido
I always assumed I would be a super horny pregnant person. I have not been XD Partly I think it's because for the last four and a half years, sex has absolutely been fun, but it's also been mission-focused. We can both take a break from the math and the intentionality/borderline obsession. Sex is good, but my heart and mind have fully embraced the lull in intensity.
Total Surprises
Parenting Books Being Triggering
It never occurred to me that parenting philosophy books might trigger resentment, and I'd have to work through that before I could even get to the parenting parts.
Every parent does their best. Gabe and I are going to do our best, and we're still going to produce kids who need therapy and have tons of things to critique about their childhoods. It's unavoidable, and I've always known that, so it took me by surprise when parenting books made me think more about MY childhood than the childhood we'd create for the Metertot. Gabe and I read passages that we firmly aspire to and realize how differently our minds might have formed if we'd been treated differently in certain moments. Were so many of the things I struggled/struggle with actually avoidable? Was there another way to understand me? Does Gabe struggle with X because he was never given Y?
But the thing is, if we want to be cycle-breakers, we can't just simply switch paradigms like putting on new shoes; we have to re-parent ourselves and break own our cycles/habits first. We can't teach the Metertot to do things we don't know how to do. If my "frustration intolerance" is dysfunctionally low, I cannot model for her how to stay in an annoying situation calmly and work through a problem.
Girlier Personal Style
This one I NEVER saw coming. My clothing style has changed a lot over the years, from borderline goth/emo as a teenager to more mainstream with small pops of edgy, but I've never been anything approaching "girly."
UNTIL NOW, BABY.
I think it's a combination of knowing that we're having a girl, and just being pregnant in general. I feel like a fertility goddess and it's bringing out all the latent Aphrodite-Venus-fairy princess vibes. Every time I get dressed, I get to celebrate having a baby, and our baby is a girl, so obviously I want to celebrate that. The number of things I've bought lately that are pink, floral, or ruffly has skyrocketed.
Fortunately, I still like my mainstream-with-a-pop-of-edgy style, I just also like girly things now. The range of things that bring me joy is expanding, and I love that.
Liking Floral Smells
I've always hated the smell of flowers, but lately... Now, it's not a total shift into LOVING floral smells, especially strong ones, but it's gone from "I do not want to be in the same room as that; get it away from me or I'm leaving" to "Oh, wait, is that kind of nice?" I bought deodorant in the scent "Lilac and White Tea" and kind of can't get enough of it.
Maybe the Metertot is going to lean more traditionally girly that I do?
I'm very interested to see what other pregnancy, birth, and parenting surprises are coming next. I'm more certain than ever that there will be a LOT of them.
~ Stephanie
