Worship

I started to "get into" worship a little when our church (The Point Church in Apex) did a whole series called Sing (I think). We talked about how praising God through music isn't just an optional expression, but a biblical command. I did some tentative but heartfelt Hold My Baby hand raising during that series. (Click here if you don't know what I mean.)

It kinda faded though. While my view of worship remained changed, the outward fire fizzled a little.

But lately, it's back. I'm writing this on August 17th, and I hope it's is still true as you're reading this.

I don't think my passion for worship has changed based on anything going on at church on Sunday. The music has always been good. The song choices have always been good. The Point atmosphere of worship has always been incredible. What has changed is the other six days of the week.

Let me be clear: I'm not using this blog to pat myself on the back for all the *hair flip* awesome changes I've been making lately. There is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that these changes are coming from inside myself. If you've known me for any amount of time you know that I've been on a self-driven crusade to change and improve myself blah blab blah for MY ENTIRE LIFE.

And it. has. never. worked.

I always end up failing and getting frustrated, reverting back to whatever I was trying to quit or do differently. Without fail, this is how it has always gone. I have never been able to change myself.

This is why I'm certain that I'm not changing myself now. The only change I have made is to go to God every morning. Devotionals keep me focused and give me something physical to DO so that if the Enemy tries to discourage me or sidetrack me, I have something that I can physically hold that will ground me and point me back to the Lord. If I feel like all I can do one morning is "go through the motions," then I go through the motions. And usually, by the end, I'm not just going through the motions any more.

It's all about that tendril of Holy Spirit strength.

I keep thinking about the Rebecca St. James song "Reborn":

"If you see a change in me don't wonder 

There's someone in my life 

And peace I can't describe 

For I've been reborn 

If you see a change in me don't wonder 

I've found a whole new life 

And hope that I can't hide 

For I've been reborn."

THIS is why I've been feeling worship differently: because I've been feeling GOD differently.

I cannot stress enough how much this isn't something I'm able to do, but something God is doing.

I also keep thinking about the DC Talk song "What If I Stumble" (early 2000s music coming in clutch these days), kind of just waiting for all my "progress" to come to a screeching halt or for Gabe to die so that God can really test my faith or something.

But 1) God cannot be stopped, so if I can just keep myself out of his way, we should be good, and 2) God is a good, good father, and that's not what he's like. That is a lie from the Enemy.

All this to say, raising my hands, clapping, closing my eyes, and singing loudly no longer feel weird. At the beginning, I would feel the Spirit tugging on me to raise my hands, but I would get immediately stuck in my head. A time of worship would become a time of internal struggle. Lately, it genuinely just...happens. I'll kind of feel the Spirit, and then my hands are out. It's not a struggle. It's not really even a decision. I have given that decision over to God during the week, and on Sundays he just makes it for me and I sit back and enjoy his presence. It's a joy and freedom I've never tapped into before.

I feel like there is no way this doesn't sound like bragging. It's not. This isn't me being such a great Christian. This is God being an all-powerful, supernatural king.

There is no posture of worship we could have that would be melodramatic or "too much." God deserves it all.

Happy to report that the Spirit has now taken me to some Mufasa, School Room, and Touchdown lately.

Again, click here if you're confused.

~Stephanie