I have an extreme/addictive/all-or-nothing personality. It's a blessing and a curse.
Blessing: When I love things, I love them. I can derive a level of joy from stuffed animals/words/fandoms/dancing/etc. that borders on concerning.
Curse: When I do things, my instinct is to do them 100% (or 0%).
Unfortunately, this doesn't translate to "doing lots of research" or something constructive like that. It translates to "If I get into the occult, I'll likely become a witch,"* "If I drink alcohol, I'll likely become an alcoholic," and "If I do NaNoWriMo, I'll likely shirk all other duties."
What is NaNoWriMo? It's short for National Novel Writing Month. Every year, millions of hopeful authors commit to writing 50,000 words in thirty days, from November 1 to November 30. I did this and "won" my senior year of high school (2011). I haven't tried since.
Until now. As I type this, it's lunch break on November 1 and I've written about 200 words of The Fire Fairy Story.** Given my personality, I know that it's important for me to set boundaries for myself that will help me win (*fingers crossed*) NaNo in a healthy, God-honoring way.
1) No writing until I've had genuine, non-rushed quiet time with God.
What does he want my day to look like? How can he fill me with the fruits of the spirit? How can I honor him? Can I take the time to pray and listen? Can I view the day as an opportunity to give him my best, or only as an opportunity to write 1,667 words?
In a way, this rule feels slightly...creepy, pedantic, and prosperity-gospel-ish. Am I using quiet time and my relationship with God to write a "good" novel? I know that my work is better when I'm rooted in God, so is my quest for relationship with him actually selfish? If I thought that remaining close to God would make me write worse, would I still desire it?
I'm wrestling with this. I am definitely concerned that I'm just leveraging my relationship with God.
However, in the end, spending time with God can only ever bring true good. If "good" is a bad novel or writer's block, I have committed myself to soldiering on with quiet time anyway. At the end of the month, if I don't have 50,000 words, I will at least have a stronger relationship with my heavenly father.
2) No writing during 9–5.
I work from home, so it would be very easy and very tempting to sneak in some writing during the day. Some days I don't even have a full eight hours of work; I could do six perfectly honorably and write for the other two. But how likely am I to be able to make that call responsibly, knowing my personality? By taking daytime writing off the table, I'm helping myself to work at my job "as unto the Lord." Plus, who knows, maybe giving myself a smaller writing window will concentrate the inspiration?
Anyway, I don't know how this month is going to go. I can genuinely see it goings lots of ways.
- I write 50,000 words. They're great, and I'm happier, healthier, and closer to God than I've ever been.
- I crank out 50,000 words and they're total crap. I never read them over or use them in whatever version of The FF Story ends up being final. My relationship with God is resentful and I've developed a check-the-box mentality.
- My relationship with God takes over my life. I don't write nearly 50,000 words, but I don't care because I'm so on fire for Christ.
- My relationship with God is healthy and strong. I only write about 30,000 words because I'm an adult now and I have things to do besides one hour of homework and write write write write.
- Some combination of the above.
I'm super nervous. I hate to fail, which is why I usually only try if I'm sure I'll succeed. I do not know if I will succeed with NaNo this year. But apparently I'm trying, because I'm putting it out on the internet, and if there's one thing I hate more than fizzling out privately, it's fizzling out publicly.
Whether I succeed or fail, it's official: I AM trying NaNoWriMo this year.
~Stephanie
* I believe that God is stronger than my sinful nature and that I have been saved by grace, so on some level, this isn't a huge fear of mine. I know I would come back to the truth (God) and I know that God is for me. Still, the way I'd pursue occult knowledge and power would feel dangerous, wrong, and gross to me.
** Post scheduled for Monday, November 11th.
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