Baby (Toddler?!) Elle is a year old. Gabe and I are now only new parents, not BRAND-new parents. Do I feel like I know a lot about babies now? Uh. So here's the thing:
What I now know is that every baby is so different that what I have learned will most likely be useless to anyone else 😂 Like I don't even feel an URGE to share advice about the first year. Do I know a lot about MY baby? Yeah, I do. I know the almost imperceptible differences between her saying "buzz" for a bee and "ssss" for a snake, and "All Done" hands versus "the wipers on the bus" hands. I know she loves hair accessories and hates when it's time to put her toothbrush away. I know that she poops fifteen minutes after morning milk and starts walking like a drunk when she's getting sleepy. I am an expert on Elle, and none of it will help anyone else.
So when I started thinking about processing any regrets or non-regrets from the past year, it felt pointless, because my experience may not apply to anyone else. But then I remembered that I haven't journaled a single time all year and this blog has become just as much for me as anyone else, so I'm going to do it anyway.
Things I Regret
Stopping the bottle - We saw a lactation consultant when Elle was about two months old (highly recommend Growing Families Lactation if you're looking) and she told us to continue our practice of giving Elle a bottle at least once a day so that she didn't start bottle refusing. We did...until we didn't. We went a couple of weeks without giving Elle a bottle, and sure enough, she started refusing it. And never went back. I have not been able to spend more than five hours away from Elle since August 2025, and Gabe and I haven't been on a date/out together alone since September 13, 2025. I have very few regrets from the first year, and this is one of them.
Letting Elle walk around with stick-like objects in her mouth - This is very niche 😂 But ever since she started assisted walking at about ten months, Elle has liked popping something into her mouth and walking around with it. When Gabe's nurse older sister visited, she mentioned that that made her nervous in her own kids, because of injuries she'd seen from kids falling with sticks (or even toothbrushes) in their mouths. I didn't want to cross that bridge at the time because we were already crossing a thousand other bridges, and on very little sleep. However, now that she's beginning to walk on her own, I am scared and I wish I hadn't let this habit develop. I'm now going to have to undo it for the sake of safety, and it's going to seem very unfair to poor Elle.
Not having the granulation tissue cauterized right away - Look, in all my years of pregnancy/birth/postpartum research I had never heard of this (and I would NOT Google it if I were you), but sometimes postpartum scar tissue Down There can apparently turn into "granulation tissue" and it's red and painful and has to be removed with silver nitrate. The doctor discovered it at my six-week postpartum visit and I declined the procedure because he made it sound like maybe it would resolve on its own, and obviously no one WANTS to have part of their downstairs burned off, but NO IT DOES NOT RESOLVE ON ITS OWN, and in fact IT ACTUALLY GROWS LARGER?! So I eventually had to have the procedure done anyway, and at that point it took three treatments and was super painful. If I'd done it right away when it was tiny, it would've been almost painless. So, if this ever comes up for you, just do it, day of.
Things I Don't Regret
Co-sleeping - We did not plan to co-sleep. We didn't, in fact, co-sleep for the first four–five months, but when Elle's sleep started to deteriorate so badly, it became the only way anyone could get rest. Now, Elle starts out in her crib and occasionally makes it all the way through the night, but often gets transferred to our bed around 5–6am, and I honestly have no regrets. I know we genuinely tried our best to avoid it. We couldn't have done anything else, and now I have months of sweet memories to treasure in my heart forever: her warm, squishy arms next to me; her little fingers on the nape of my neck; her full-body stretch + stank face combo; the look of groggy joy when she wakes up for the day and sees me first thing. I know she'll sleep independently one day, but until then we're helping her build a strong, secure nervous system night by night.
Not doing a newborn (or soon after) photoshoot - For a split second, I actually had this typed in the Regrets section, but as I thought about it, I don't think I do. Now, do I wish I had some photos of Elle by the amazing Haleigh Nicole Photography? Absolutely, because she's a genius and would majestically immortalize our family. But do I actually sit here and regret not doing it? No, not really. We all took lots of pictures of baby Elle, and while they pale in comparison to "real" photos, we needed/need our money for other things, and that's okay.
Buying almost zero baby clothes - This is such a privileged thing to be able to say! Between baby showers, grandparents, and SO MANY HAND-ME-DOWNS, I think Gabe and I have spent maybe $50 total on baby clothes in the first year. Before Elle was born, I worried that I wasn't buying enough; it didn't happen to be one of my temptations. Buying her products like bowls and spoons? Yes. Fancy sunscreens? Yes. Bows and headbands? Yes. But I never felt drawn to buy clothes, and that has worked out just fine. Between my sister and our friend Jana, I've had a steady stream of girl clothes that I get to sort through and hang up or fold every couple of months and I LOVE that. It makes me feel loved, calls me back to my childhood of passing clothes to Sarah and Katie, and reminds me of the importance of community. I love that there are pictures of Grace or Alee wearing the same outfit Elle has on. Babyhood of the traveling rompers forever!
Honestly, I'm proud of this list. My regrets feel reasonable, but not devastating. My "don't regrets" make sense. As I wrote, I did think of another angle: things I'm glad we DID do, and things I'm glad we DIDN'T do. Maybe I'll write about that too.
In, like, what? three more months? XD
~Stephanie
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