The Enneagram

To be honest, I don't want to say too much on this, for a couple of reasons.

1) While I've done some research and reading, I'm not educated enough to give you the insight I think everyone should have.

2) If I allowed myself, this post could easily become too long.

What is the enneagram?
It's a nine-pointed shape. It's an ancient (think "B.C.") theory that there are nine basic personality types that relate to each other in a specific pattern. It has been used and proven for thousands of years. It has been used and proven in the lives of many people I know, including mine and Gabe's—and Gabe is an avid hater of personality tests and theories (he's a self-diagnosed Four).

"Enneagram." Isn't that Satanic?
1) Lots of strong Christians use this.
2) Possibly lots of strong Satanists use it too; I don't know any personally.
3) While it definitely sounds suspect, the enneagram is just a descriptive tool for understanding yourself and others. It does not claim to have any magical powers or ask you to do anything with its information. I'm sure it can be taken to an extreme or held up as an idol, but I'm not sure how the information itself could be Satanic or dangerous.

It also doesn't have to be in a shape. You can write the information down in list-form if it makes you feel better.

If I come across a little aggressive and passionate here, bear with me. I've learned that I'm probably an Eight.

Could you stop saying numbers and tell me how this works?
There are nine different personality types. You are one of them. Each person might also have a "wing," which is one of the numbers on either side of the person's main number. I've said that I'm Eight, and I think I might have a Seven wing. This means that while I'm mostly Eight, sometimes I have characteristics of a Seven.

Each personality type has a "stress" and a "security" number as well. When Eights are feeling stressed, they tend to take on the negative characteristics of a Two. When Eights are feeling secure, they tend to take on the positive characteristics of a Five.

All this info is more easily grasped in the dreaded, Satanic-looking enneagram shape (different people have different titles for the types):

How do I find out my type?
If you're interested, there are internet quizzes to help you figure out which number you might be. However, my dad (yes, the Baptist pastor) recommended that I read books on the topic so that I can understand the numbers and figure myself out, rather than have an algorithm tell me what I am.

So far I've used The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery* by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile, and The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert. I've also listened to the podcast for The Road Back to You.

How does it help?
At the end of each Type's chapter in The Road Back to You, there is a short list of suggestions for how that type can grow. Two of the suggestions for me were "Watch out for and avoid black-and-white thinking. Gray is an actual color" and "You don't have a corner on the truth market. In the heat of battle, stop and ask yourself, What if I'm wrong? Say that a hundred times a day."

Spot. On. Advice XD

After doing some reading himself, Gabe believes he's a Four. Knowing that, I can read about the way Fours think (or, more accurately, "feel") and love him better.

Identifying our types has already affected our marriage positively. Gabe understands better that my knee-jerk reactions sound like anger, even when I'm not actually angry, and that I push just to see who will push back. I understand better that he doesn't "have" feelings, but more is feelings, and when he doesn't explain himself, it isn't just because he won't, but often because he can't.

Who cares?
Maybe not you, and that's okay. In my very-newly-formed opinion, the enneagram is most helpful for understanding yourself: how you've been coming across your whole life, where your weak or blind spots are, and how you can grow to be the you that God created you to be.

I do not think it's a tool for putting people into boxes or giving yourself an honorary degree in psychology. While I enjoyed wondering about the Types of people in my life, I don't think I can tell them what their number is. You can watch someone's eating habits and make an educated guess about their favorite foods, but if someone replies, "Actually, brownies aren't my favorite," you have no right to retort, "Yeah they are. I read a book about food."

Only you can decide and own your number. You'll probably know it when you reach a Type description that makes you wince.

~Stephanie

* This book does lean left, mainly just in some of its anecdotes. I'm a conservative and was able to look past that, but be aware of that going in. Don't let two authors' political opinions turn you off from the enneagram.